Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Kitchen Disaster

The perfect storm of elements contributed to my kitchen disaster:

Hunger:
I went to my normal work out class Monday night and then immediately headed to my parents house to pick a few things up. By the time I got home it was 8:30 pm and my stomach was making sounds that resembled what I can only imagine a porpoise being eaten by a shark underwater would sound like.

I didn't want to depress you and put an actual picture of a
porpoise being eaten here...so here's a happy porpoise

Food Waste Panic:
On my drive home, I was contemplating what I could make based on what I had in the refrigerator and I slowly started to panic. No, not because my fridge was empty, but because it was NOT empty.

Let me back up for a second here. Growing up, my brother and I would frequently hear my mom say "Sale on eggs! Sale on cantaloupe!" and then a pound of that food item would appear in front of us to be consumed. It was her way of telling us that something in the fridge was going to go bad soon so we better eat up so as not to waste any food.

Now in my adult life, I have a very real fear of food going bad. As a result, my refrigerator is in a constant flux between absolutely empty, or filled with way too much prepared food in my attempt to use ALL the ingredients in the fridge at once. Cooking multiple meals at once is not recommended if you're trying to lead a low stress lifestyle.

I decided on making a new recipe I had been wanting to try - cauliflower crust pizza. I usually make my own roasted tomato sauce and was out, so would need to make that as well to top my pizza. Finally, I'd make meat loaf - because I had the ingredients and they might go bad!  

Pinterest:
I have about a 25% win rate on recipes I get from Pinterest. I'm pretty used to the food I make not looking like the food Imaginary-Martha-Stuart-Pinterest-Person made. I like to turn this flaw into a positive - my many recipe fails have made me great at improvisation and creativity in the kitchen. In this particular case, my "dough" for the pizza was much closer to "soup" if we're basing it on consistency. So, I stuck it in the freezer, because that makes sense right? Consistency is soupy, a little freezer time will firm it right up!

This is not my personal Pinterest fail,
but in honor of the season, I think it's a pretty epic one.


Wine:
At this point, I'd had nothing to eat since noon, worked out, and was drinking wine while preparing dinner(s). To say I was "feeling it" would be accurate. Very accurate.



At 9:30pm I was making good progress. I had the tomatoes in the oven roasting, cauliflower dough in the freezer and was about to mix up the meat loaf. Only at this point do the cooking times for each of these items start to dawn on me. Tomato sauce: 1 hour. Cauliflower pizza: 30 minutes. Meat Loaf: 1 hour. At this rate I'd be eating at 11 and going to bed after midnight! (Before you get smart with me - no I could not bake them all at the same time. The tomatoes roast at 350, the pizza cooks at 425 and the meatloaf wasn't ready yet!)

Before roasting....
After roasting...

Whatever, I decided to power on (and pour another glass of wine). I started to put all my meatloaf ingredients together, but when I went to grab the BBQ sauce for my hickory smoked meatloaf, I realized I had 1/4C of the 3/4 C I needed. It was a sign from the food gods - the meatloaf would need to be loafed another day.

Undeterred, I moved onto the pizza. The tomatoes were done so I opened the freezer to retrieve the dough. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?! Soup dough everywhere - the bowl had tipped over. Nothing had "firmed up" so there was egg/cauliflower/cheese crap all over. WHERE'S THE WINE.

Everywhere.
 

Everywhere.
  I did manage to use what was left in the bowl and the pizza actually turned out somewhat ok. I have no idea if it tasted like what it was supposed to taste like because I have no idea what ratio of the ingredients remained after the great spill. Luckily, the wine made everything taste juuuuust fine.

Dough...sans a lot of the "soup"

Cooked, but with no toppings yet
Finished product



Anyone else have a kitchen disaster they'd like to share?  

Thursday, November 6, 2014

TBT - Freshman Halloween

I realize Halloween was last week and that I SHOULD have posted this last Thursday as my "throwback Thursday picture". But alas, I was in Palm Springs by a pool and couldn't be bothered, so you're getting it now.

I was recently on one of my all time favorite procrastination-aiding sites - #whatshouldwecallme and could not help but burst out laughing when I saw this:


 

This is the most accurate depiction of my Halloween life I could ever imagine. It immediately brought me back to freshman year of college. New friends, no parents, no curfew - aka the perfect opportunity to sex up my Halloween costume and strut my stuff at a USC frat party.

This was right around the time when websites offering every costume you could imagine in a "sexy version" started popping up. My suitemates and I started perusing the sites and decided that we'd all go as sexy Alice in Wonderland characters. My roommate was going to be the Queen of Hearts, my suitemate would be the Mad Hatter, and I was going to be the Caterpillar - because why would I be Alice when I could be the Caterpillar? Perfect.



Freshman year I worked in the computer lab in the campus library. I spent my hours there watching all of the DVD's they had on file (Gone With the Wind, at least 15 times). Despite my really hard work, the job did not pay well so my cash flow was not at a level 10. It was not even at a level 5. When it came time to purchase our costumes, I was running low on funds.

"That's ok! I'm crafty", I told myself. "I can totally make a sexy caterpillar costume. Not even a problem."

I should also preface this story with the fact that I love the color green (there is a color called Kelly Green...so...this fact is a given) and for some reason at that juncture in my life, I felt that my love of green must be reflected to the public in every way possible. Décor, clothing attire, nail polish, you name it, it was green. So naturally, I had green sheets.

In my infinite crafty wisdom, I grabbed the top sheet off my bed and made the bottom of my costume by making fat rolls in the sheet and stuffing them with newspaper. For the top, I continued with the fat roll theme by donning my favorite green puffy vest. The "sexy" part came in when I wore a green and white polk-a-dot tank top under the puffy vest and unzipped the vest to just below my boobs, hoping some cleavage could be seen. Unfortunately, the puffy vest was puffy enough that unzipping it didn't exactly leave a very wide window for boob viewing opportunities, but whatever - I was SEXY. Right.

To top off the costume, I purchased 2 of those small birthday balloons on sticks from Vons. I sharpied those both neon green, put my hair in Princess Leia buns and stuck one balloon in each for my antennas. A little green eye shadow and VOILA. Sexy Caterpillar.

Unfortunately, the only proof of my sexiness that night is this image, and it doesn't show the full green Caterpillar goddess that I was.



I only hope you can use your imagination to picture two young college girls frolicking down the street in their short, sexified costumes and one girl slowly slugging behind them trying to pick up her bed sheet skirt enough to not trip and inevitably lose an antenna.

TGITHURSDAY PEOPLE!





Thursday, April 3, 2014

Tanzania - Part 2 - The Safari

If you haven't checked out Part 1 of the Tanzania Adventure, you can do so here. 

The second part of the story picks up right where I left off in Part 1. As we emerged from the rain forest into the parking lot at the base of Kili, I saw our Safari guide, Justin, waiting for us. I have never been more excited to see a human in my entire life. I tackled him, and then I promptly climbed into the car and refused to move another muscle. Thank God safari's are basically just road trips with scenery that is 1,000x better than normal car ride scenery. 



As we drove to Lake Manyara National Park, Justin gave us a history of the area. It turns out, he was actually a member of the most famous tribe, The Masai, so was able to give us some interesting insight into that way of life. Later in the trip, we would actually get to visit one of the Masai villages, but more on that later. 

About 2 hours into the drive, I looked to the right and spotted a giraffe! This was the first animal besides the normal raccoon or deer I had ever seen outside of a zoo. My excitement level was on par with winning at Bingo or losing 5lb's without trying. Justin pulled a u-turn and we were actually able to get out of the car since we weren't inside a National Park. Oh, wait, there are animals like giraffe's just wondering around out here? Yes, yes there are people. (Cue "A Whole New World" playing in your head right now) 
I have never, in my life, felt as gross, dirty or exhausted as I did on this day, but nothing could keep me from taking a picture with Geoffrey the Giraffe.
 
Once we waved goodbye to our new friends, it was full steam ahead to Lake Manyara. This was the smallest park we would be in, but we actually saw our first elephant and hundreds of baboons there. Justin's favorite activity was hissing at the baboons to get a reaction out of them. They were literally everywhere. 

 

When we finally arrived at our lodge for the night, we were greeted with a cup of fruit juice and a hot towel. The towel was placed into my hand a pure white, and was handed back a pure grey/brown. It was clearly time to have my first shower in 7 days.

When Justin saw me the next morning he said, "Oh! Kelly! You look better today." Thanks for really driving home how bad the situation was yesterday, Justin, thanks.    

We headed out bright and early towards the Serengeti. This national park is Tanzania's oldest and most popular park and we would be touring it for 2 days. Pretty early on in the day, we spotted our first lion. All of the drivers have to follow really strict rules while they're driving through the national parks to ensure the safety and habitat of the animals is kept intact. That being said, Justin saw an opportunity that was too good to pass up to get close and was able to venture off the road a bit to get us closer. What we found was epic - a mother and her cubs playing. I was floored. Never in my life did I imagine I'd be able to see this type of scene outside of a photograph. We stayed and watched for several minutes.
 

Our hotel while in the Serengeti was beautiful. The bar and restaurant were actually built into a giant rock so it looked like it was just an extension of the land. Running all over the grounds were packs of what looked like giant squirrels - a bit overwhelming in numbers, but hilarious to run after and scare. At all of the hotels we stayed at that were actually inside a national park, there were strict instructions not to just head out for a walk. There are no fences or barriers set up to protect you from the animals in the parks. It is very much the animal's world that we're just visiting. At one point, a one-eyed monkey came to visit our room balcony's and we were able to get some fun shots with it and throughout our stay, we could see packs of wild boar's running through the desert and all sorts of wild life just living their lives.
 
 
 
We saw literally hundreds of elephants in this park. We'd find packs of them just hanging out with eachother and had the luxury of time to just sit and watch them interact. Justin would sometimes play chicken with an elephant walking down the road and a few times we actually had an elephant trumpet at us and charge. Another incident had us watching as a baby elephant got caught in some low tree branches. It trumpeted in panic and 6 full grown elephants charged towards it to help. It was awe inspiring and at the same time terrifying to see these giant animals run with such a purpose.


 
 
I've always had a particular love for Hippos. I generally think any animal that is slightly over-weight is hilarious and the greatest, so Hippos are like the crème-de-la-crème for me. Justin took us to the "hippo pond" and I am telling you, I was in heaven. This Hippo pool was crawling, well, not really crawling because they were all asleep, but LOOK. LOOK AT ALL THE FAT HIPPOS. Heaven.

 
 
 
On our way out of the Serengeti, we happened upon 2 pairs of lions traveling together and actually walking on the jeep path. They literally walked right beneath my window; had I been interested in losing a limb, I could have pet one. It also happened to be mating season, so the pairs would walk for a bit, mate, rest, continue walking. "Mating" took all of about 5 seconds and at the end the female would usually snarl and try and bite the male to get him off her.
 
 
After the Serengeti, we headed to Ngorongoro. This park is actually the bottom of an enormous crater. The road down into it was quite perilous and I was glad I had years of experience road-tripping with my parents to train me not to vom as we winded down to the bottom. At this point we had seen our fair share of lions, giraffe's, wild boars, zebras, etc. The last major animal we wanted to see was the elusive black rhinoceros. This park was notorious for sightings so I was geared up for success.
All day, we criss-crossed the park hoping to see something move through the tall grass that looked like a rhino. Finally, at the end of the day, Justin pointed out a tiny, tiny, tiny, black mass in the distance. Patrick and Justin claimed they could totally tell it was a rhino. I will take their word for it. TOTALLY COUNTS - I SAW A RHINO.
 
 
The final park we ventured to was Tarangire National Park. Here we saw several Ostrich here - and we definitely saw them mating. That process is legitimately the funniest thing I have ever seen and I wish we had gotten a video of it. The male Ostrich's neck get's incredibly pink when they want to mate, and they chase after the female to show them this very odd mating dance. Here's a video on youtube that's actually taken in Tanzania. Skip to about 1 minute to see the dance I'm talking about. Thank me later.
 
 
 
On our way back to Arusha, we finally stopped at a Maasai village to take a "tour". The "head of tourism" approached our car and started brokering a deal with us for the tour. I think we finally agreed to about $30 a person for the tour. What followed was...interesting. The Maasai people gathered around us and began to sing and dance. At one point, a woman grabbed my hand to pull me into the dance and all the men started jumping straight up and down, competing with each other for height. Our guide then took us inside one of the homes. These tiny huts are home to sometimes 6-8 people. The Maasai also have a practice of only consuming meat, milk, and blood. Yep. Blood. All in all, I felt the experience was something interesting, but not a tour I'd take again. I very much felt like I was being exploited for money, and as a female, it was difficult to hear about some of their practices like child marriages.  


 
 
On our last day with Justin, he drove us to his house on our way out to the airport. We were able to meet his daughter, son, and wife in the house he was building for them. We ended up staying just a wee bit too long and were pretty late getting to the airport. Don't get me wrong, this vacation had been a crazy/epic adventure, but after 1 week of straight hiking and camping followed by 1 week of sitting in a car for 8 hours a day all with 2 boys, it was time to get home. I was not missing that flight.
 
 
As we cleared "security", I saw our plane out on the tarmac and I ran to the door only to find it locked. I pounded on it and slammed my ticket up to the window when a staff member looked at me oddly. I yelled "that's my plane!" The gentleman gave a little chuckle and mouthed back "we haven't boarded yet" as he pointed behind me. When I glanced over my shoulder, I noticed the 40 or so other passengers patiently waiting for boarding to be announced...
 
And of course...pictures on pictures on pictures: