The perils of online dating...

GUESS WHAT!!! I started an online dating profile...again. I blame you people because this decision was made on a very bored friday afternoon due to a complete lack of interesting status updates on Facebook. I was so bored I literally thought creating an online profile sounded interesting.

Which site was lucky enough to have my profile grace its singles?? Well, some of you may be aware that I spent a weird, sometimes hilarious, and overall uncomfortable 3 months on EHarmony a year ago. At the end of that experience I had 3 horrible first date stories to call my own and -$60 from my bank account.

This time, I decided to be with the PEOPLE. Those that refused to be tamed by the man. Refused to be defined by 60 multiple choice questions. Refused to fill out 5 pages of standardized test-esq short answer questions, only to be forced to exchange weird, predetermined questions with someone that answered at least 5% of the 60 starter questions the same way they did.

NO. I would not do it.

In reality, I was too lazy to spend the 3 hours it would take to set up another EHarmony account again...and I wanted to spend the $60 on wine. So I joined Plenty of Fish - surpassed only by OKCupid in number of weirdos who frequent it. Took me 5 minutes to write my "bio", post the most attractive pictures I could find of myself, and I was OFF to find the love of my life.

Let me tell you - it's been an interesting first few days. On POF, you are allowed to show interest in someone else in one of 3 ways.

1. Send them a "quick message" - i.e. write your best one-liner that both shows you read their profile and that you are SO cool, savy, and whitty. I haven't thought so hard about so few words since I took the SAT and knew that writing my name correctly was worth 800 points.

2. Indicate that you would like to meet someone with a click of a button - this is 1 of 2 of my favorite parts of this whole experience. It's like a Russion Roulette of weird men to choose from! They show you a picture and ask "would you like to meet me?" You just click the yes or no button!

The trick to this one is to remember no one can call you out if you don't want to meet them! I have become ruthless - it's like one yes for every 20 no's. I feel like Gandolf - every time I say no I shout "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" at my computer and laugh with glee.

3. You can send a "rose". I refuse to even entertain this option.

As a part of your profile, you are asked to write a headline...it shows up with your picture on Russion Roulette - and is meant to be an enticement for people to hit YES and actually go look at your full profile. This is my other favorite part of POF.

The crap people think will entice the opposite sex into wanting to "know more" is hilarious.

Here are some of the best I have stumbled upon:

All I want is... (IM SO INTRIGUED...WHAT? WHAT IS IT?)
Epic dude seeking epic chick (obviously?)
The words adventure and random are chick magnets (how's that working out...?)
... (...?)
Life is like a bag of gummy worms (no comment)
Intimate First (what does this mean)
Only intelligent women apply...and Hot is a plus... (at least he is honest)
Is she out there?? (Fido went west)

Just talk classy and act nasty...(honesty again, so refreshing)
Have a job, car, apartment, love jesus, need a girl (shortest resume I have ever read)
I just need someone to smoke weed and cuddle with (this honesty thing is getting ridiculous)
Every girl on here play games or what? (Yes, yes we do.)
Faithfu guy. y is so ****ing hard (The same reason spelling and grammar are hard...)

Here is my favorite message that I have received so far:

Your profile pic is soothing to look at in the winter. do you have that warm touch?...I refrained from responding.

The things I do for your entertainment people, the things I do.

Stay tuned for more adventures from POF.

Traveling with children...I mean your parents

Months ago, I promised a blog about traveling with your parents. Well here it is people, in all its glory.

Over the summer, I took a trip to Paris with my mom and dad. This was not the first time to Paris for any of us so the trip was a bit more laid back than the typical flurry to see everything, everywhere in just 7 days. As the trip porgressed, I couldn't help but gain a huge amount of respect for my parents for traveling with me as a child. We took several trips when I was younger and I now know those trips must have been filled with constant bathroom breaks, snack breaks, hurt feet, being lost, and a myriad of other things. I know this, because I think traveling with your parents as an adult, is much like traveling with children.

Airports:

It all began with our trip to the airport. When you have small children, you allow yourself 7 hours to load up the car, get to the parking lot, unload the car, load the shuttle, unload the shuttle, get through security, and finally board the plane. When you have parents, you allow yourself 7 hours to get to the airport and wait 6 hours in case SOMETHING horrible happens and you need those 6 hours to fix that something.

With Kids:

With Parents:

Bed Time:

We had a nonverbal, but strict agreement that bed time was no later than 10PM. The last time I went to bed before 10PM was when I had mono and couldn't keep my eyes open longer than 30 minutes at a time. Do you know what happens when you go to bed at 10PM? You wake up at 6AM all bright eyed and bushy tailed. There is a life lesson in here somewhere...but I haven't decided to take it yet.

Bathroom Breaks:

I swear to you, I know where every public bathroom is within a 50 mile radius of our hotel in Paris. I know where every public bathroom is on every floor of every museum I went into. You need a bathroom? I have you covered.

This could be getting a bit too personal, but I'm going to just go for it. This is how I view the natural progression of need for bathroom breaks as we age.

Infant: I don't even care about bathrooms
Toddler: I need to go but I am having WAY to much fun with these legos so I DON'T CARE. Uh oh. Whoops. I should have cared.
Young adult - 50: I can appropriately gage when I need to use the restroom
50+: I think I might need to use the restroom sometime in the next hour, so we need to find one right now. RIGHT NOW.

Snack Breaks:
 
If we were not on a strict "eat every 2 hours" regimen, it was meltdown city. We wouldn't talk to eachother, everyone was stomping and walking 45 miles per hour to try and get to food faster, angry looks were tossed over shoulders because SOMEONE had taken to long at the last bathroom break and now clearly the world was ending. By the end of the trip everyone had to pack a snack for emergencies.

All in all, it was an epic trip - we may have yelled at eachother when we missed snack break, or stomped away on the way to the bathroom, but it's only with family that you can do those things with complete faith in the forgiveness that will follow. It is only with family that you can act like a 5 year old no matter your age, and still come out with no loss of love.

I recognize that at 26, the years of taking vacations with just my immediate family are waning. Despite my brother and I's nearly constant singledom - I do think both of us will actually find our great loves to bring on family vacations, and eventually we'll bring kids along to. Those trips will bring new memories, laughs, and temper tantrums.

Until that point, I'll take all of the trips with my parents that I can - even if it means hunting down every bathroom in the city.