A day in the life...: You're doing it wrong...or so the internet says

Normally, I love lists. I like to make them, check them off, use them to tell you my fave’s and those things I can’t stand. I love buzzfeed’s lists about the cutest animals on the planet, memories from the 90’s, and the hilarious things Jennifer Lawrence says.

Recently, however, I’ve started to see a lot of lists that I wish I could un-see. You’ve probably seen them too. “20 things every 20 year old should stop doing”. “4 things no woman should ever forgive.” “67 things I wish I had known at 18”. I’ve just started referring to them all as “everything you’re doing wrong” lists.

When these first started cropping up, I would gobble them up, comparing myself to every single item. How many of these things was I doing “right”? What could I check off? OMG I’m 27 and I am still doing 12 items on the 20 things I shouldn’t be doing in my 20’s list!

Then I started to get mad at these lists. Don't tell me what to do! Don't make me feel guilty! Don't you dare!

Here's how I see it:

Information overload

Just this morning I read 67 things I wish I knew at 18. Literally, there are 67 things on the list. If you had asked me 2 minutes after reading that list to name just 1 of the items, I wouldn't be able to do it. In the day and age where we have so much information at our fingertips, our brains aren't conditioned to have to remember tidbits of information, advice, or quotes anymore. 67 things?! Please.

Even if I remember only the things on the list that I "need" to work on, that's still a lot of things to remember. You're only supposed to pick one New Year's resolution. If even remembering all of the things I should change is near impossible, how am I supposed to go about actually changing them?

It’s not that simple.

Putting anything in list form inherently makes it seem like it’s something you can do once and check it off your list. Most of the items on these lists, however, are always going to be works in progress. You're not going to wake up one morning and just stop worrying about your body. Hell, you're probably not going to wake up one morning and just stop worrying about anything! It's a work in progress; baby steps.

Today I had a doughnut for breakfast, and instead of completely freaking out and calling myself every variation of a hippo, I reminded myself that I worked out last night, and would be working out again tonight...and that the doughnut was delicious. PAT ON BACK. Tomorrow is going to be a whole new battle, and that's ok because I'm working on it, but it's never going to be something I check off my list and I refuse to feel guilty about that.

No but really, it's not that simple.

Have you ever heard the phrase "people never change." The saying exists because many people never do change. Not because they can't, but because it's freaking hard. There's a rumor flying around that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit. The problem is, there's no scientific proof to back this theory up. Check out this article for some more info on this, but the short story is: we shouldn't be surprised by the fact that you can't make or break a habit in 30 days when we hear about alcohol relapses after 10 years, or people who lose 100 lbs only to gain it all back. If you've done something daily for years, you build brain pathways that don't ever completely go away.

I don't say all of this to be incredibly depressing. I say it to make you feel better. Change isn't easy, for anyone. If after 30 days your standing there being like why the hell am I still craving a piece of cake?! It's ok. That's normal. What makes you awesome is that you're doing something to change what you don't like, as hard as that may be. Few people have that ambition at all.

You're probably never going to be able to check off "be totally happy with my body" from your list, which is why I wouldn't put it on the list to start with! Why can't we make actually obtainable goals like "run a 1/2 marathon", "ride my bike to work twice a week", "choose salad over fries" and go from there?

You don't know my life!

My 27 is not your 27. My 27 could be your 35 or your 21! No one gets to tell you what you should be doing, what you should be worrying about, where you should be in your career or relationship, or even what you should be wearing (except those shorts that show your ass...you should never be wearing those).

Everyone's life experiences are going to lead them to different epiphanies about said life. Just because it works for me, doesn't mean it will work for you. What if I haven't had that one life experience that's going to make me really get why I shouldn't drink tequila? What if that's coming in my 30's?!

But seriously. I had a conversation with a good friend recently about her relationship that had just ended. She said something like "even though it was only 3 months, I have never felt that way about anyone." It made me really pause because so many people, myself included, fall into the trap of thinking like this; thinking that their experience has to be like everyone else's. There is no certain amount of time you are allowed to hurt after a loss or a prescribed number of months that must pass before you can love someone. You hurt until you stop hurting and you love someone when you love them. Period.

You can apply this thinking to any part of your life really; career, money, purchasing a house, getting a dog, getting married, having kids, and on and on and on.

The simple truth is, it's your life. No one gets to tell you when the right time to move in together is, or how long you should stay in your 1st real job, or when you should settle down and buy a house. NO ONE. Especially no one who doesn't even know you, like those people on the internet.