An introduction...or update depending on your current knowledge of my life.

The time has come, once again, for my little fingers to slave over a blog, to wrack my brain for witty and charismatic things to say on a regular basis, to allow you into the world that is mine*.

Anyone reading this most likely knows all of the below about me, but if for some reason you DON’T know these things (FAIL), here are a few quick facts about my current life:

Employment:

I work for a little tech company in Redmond, Washington – the name of which is not important. What IS important is my job title: Technical Account Manager. I know – so descriptive. No explanation needed, right?  Here is a summary of what I do on a daily basis: 

1. Email lots of important people
2. Create beautiful works of art in Excel called project work back schedules and campaign performance reports
3. Yell at other people for not following my work back schedules
4. Get yelled at by other people for not providing them the proper number of SLA days to complete the work in my work back schedules
5. Copy and paste this line repeatedly into emails: "Let me know if I can help you with anything further!"
6. Internally yell at people who further ask for my help
7. IM my best friend who also works at said tech company to discuss extremely important business matters and for quick sanity checks/therapy sessions
8. Test, re-test, and then test ads again before setting them live
9. Remove ads an hour after pushing them live because the client has decided to go in another direction
10. Attempt to explain why we cannot redesign a new ad and get it live in the same day
11. Try to hold onto my sanity. 

 Typical IM conversation with my best friend who I will refer to as Cow (childhood nickname; in no way representative of Cow’s general appearance):

Cow: “I just pitched an idea to Taco Bell for their Taco Locos. I suggested we do an animation where a taco comes flying in from the left side of the BDE and collides in the center with Doritos to make one wonderful taco loco.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I would just NEVER order something other than a crunch wrap supreme. They can stop making new products right now because it’s not going to ever be better than a CWS. Their drive through menu should just be one giant picture of a crunch wrap supreme with “you’re welcome” written underneath it.”

Cow: “I’m going to quote you on that on the next client call.”

Latest Bing searches while at work:

• What does "SLA" stand for
• What is Monica Lewinsky doing now
• Is cottage cheese curdled milk
• Can you die from eating curdled milk
• Shirtless men in grocery stores (unsuccessful - but see below for reference)

Living situation:

Up until one week ago, I spent the last 2.5 years living with Cow and her boyfriend/fiancé/now husband on the East Side , otherwise known as suburbia. I finally decided to leave the nest and have made the move to Greenlake in an attempt to experience some city life.

First impressions:

1.  There are  young, attractive men everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Back in the “burbs”, grocery stores are filled with middle aged men carrying toddlers and buying bottles of Pino for their wives. In Seattle, grocery stores are filled with young, 20-somethings buying organic yogurt and balancing it out with a 24 pack of Coors Light. (Insert picture of several shirtless men milling about grocery aisles here)
2.  I lied when I told everyone I would ride the bus to work every day in an attempt to not pay the 520 bridge toll and save on gas money. My intentions were pure, my willingness to wake up 45 minutes earlier was not. 
3. I live within walking distance of the Woodland Park Zoo and a Mexican restaurant with $4 happy hour margaritas. Both of these places will be frequented on the regular…sometimes within the same hour. My goal is to befriend a Walrus and teach him to play the recorder by the end of summer: 

   4. On a nightly basis in my old room I would fall asleep to the sound of 1,000 frogs croaking in the pond across the street. I now fall asleep to the sound of metro buses and loud pedestrians outside my room. Both are equally loud and equally as obnoxious.

Stay tuned for more stories about work, Australian stalkers, this place called Time Out, Rape Park, Bing searches, thoughts on life, and city life adventures.

*Some stories, “quotes”, facts, and in general, anything I write, may be embellished/altered/completely made up in an attempt to make my life seem awesome and hilarious. You’re welcome.