A recent quote I heard from a coworker: “I can just type really fast and I never make mistakes. I just love it – I can get work done so much faster.” - You go girl. If you got it, flaunt it.
Naturally, I started to think about what I’m really good at - aka my favorite thing to think about. Here is the list:
- Making lists (this will be a common theme in all blog posts...I just love listing)
- Chewbaca impressions
In addition to this lengthy and indepth list, I have one more skill that is my greatest: human watching.
THERE IS NO SKILL BETTER THAN THIS.
This is why my skill is superior to all other skills:
- It provides hours of entertainment and can be done anytime, anywhere. That’s what she said.
- Whilst human watching, you can analyze the situation, come up with a solution, and solve all of your subjects’ problems. Thus, you are a trained counselor/psychologist. Resume bonus.
- It’s not judging if no one knows you are doing it.
- I will always consider myself to be qualified to be in the FBI as a spy. There is no room for contradiction on this, so don’t try.
I watch humans everywhere. It is my primary motivation, besides booze, for attending events such as professional sporting events, parties, and the DMV (it is my only motivation for attending that last one). I try to be at the airport more than two hours before my flight so I have enough time to delve into the lives of others. Yesterday, I went to Greenlake alone to sit on a grassy knoll and watch a softball game, from which I knew no players. It was one of the better evenings I've had.
To put it mildly, human watching is a favorite past time and a skill I highly value.
1.
Be able to pinpoint someone’s location by
hearing them, not seeing them.
2.
Once located, you may graduate to subtly
glancing in their direction – thus the need to know EXACTLY where you will be
directing your eyes at that perfect moment.
3.
Once you have established your first look and
confirmed your subject's need for your counsel, you must mask your emotions. On
the outside you are a cool cucumber just enjoying your Grande Passion Iced Tea
with Lemonade, but on the inside you are an excited five year old who just
found out there’s a slip-n-slide at the birthday party.
4.
This next
skill really relies on your ability to think on your feet and get creative. You
don’t know where that convo has been, where it’s going, or in what context it
was initiated – so you make that ish up. Your story is better than theirs
anyways…except for those rare gems where even in your wildest imagination you
could not come up with something as awesome as the real story. (Example of this
phenomenon to come in a later blog).
5.
This last skill is really the most important.
You must never pop the personal bubble surrounding the moment your subjects are
having. You must always remain aloof, a piece of scenery in their life scene. If
you break that barrier – flee immediately – as if you just remembered you
forgot your baby in the car or that you think you saw Channing Tatum across the
street beckoning to you. You cannot
recover from a burst bubble incident.
-
The absolute worst feeling in the world is that moment you
realize you forgot your wallet on Taco Salad Day.
- The next worst feeling in the world is that moment you realize you also forgot to bring the lunch you packed last night.
Bing Searches of the day:
- Who is Jimmy Fallon married to?
- Can you flavor crack? Mom: This search stemmed from a conversation about pixy sticks and their likeness to crack...I do not/would not like to taste flavored or unflavored crack at any time.
- How do you spell leway? (It’s leeway for you inquisitive minds out there)
Cow: Just walked around and other people have aquarium things in their offices
Me: GASP. Yes. Please please please.
Cow: Or a goldfish?! But then I have to change the tank. Ew
Me: Worth it. Get a frog. Or a tiny baby turtle....Fuck it, just get a hampster.
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