Bait and Switch

On a recent date, we played the "questions game". Really, this game is just an excuse to be able to ask all of the questions you would normally have to wait to find out the answers to.

For example, I ask things like:

• What is your stance on sitting on the same side of the booth when on a date? (Unacceptable)
• How attached are you to your Christmas traditions (I will not give mine up...)
• How do you feel about lateness (I have a standard 15 minute policy. As in, I am always 15 minutes late)

All this to say, one of date's questions was: What are your biggest pet peeves?

At first, I came up blank. I couldn't think of anything! I sat there smugly for like 5 minutes thinking "Kelly, you are SO tolerant! Look at you and your patience for others. Plus 5 points for you."

Then the inevitable happened - I thought of a pet peeve, then I thought of another one, and then I couldn't stop! They just kept rolling off my tongue! I literally had an out of body experience; I saw myself going on and on about things that annoy me. As I talked more, I got more animated, like DATE was doing these things to me as I said them!

Spirit Kelly was screaming "STOP. STOP OR WE WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE." But body Kelly did not care. Did. Not. Care. She just hair tossed and barreled on for 10, 15, 30 minutes.

Listing, listing, listing things. Stupid things, random things, totally absurd things that no one should be allowed to get mad about things, and things spirit Kelly did not even KNOW we hated things!

By the end of my rant I was exhausted. I felt like I had purged myself. I was sagging at the table; shoulders slumping from the exertion of expelling so much negative and angry energy into the world.

I was so tired, yet so elated, free. I could hear Tom Cruise screaming, I'm FRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE FALLIN' a la Jerry Maguire, as I looked across the table at my date's scared and very round eyes.

I've heard that you are supposed to hide your crazy for at least 3 months when dating someone. The point being that you lure them in with all the awesome you, and then when you show them crazy you, they are already hooked. Bait and switch.

I did the exact wrong thing. I showed the crazy first. I put my Michael Jackson on display. I laid it all out there and said do with this cray cray what you will.

Something odd happened though - date did not run...or rather, has not run yet...

Bing searches of late:
Grey vs. Gray (because who really knows...)
"Out of body Experiences" images (this is what I had to choose from people)

 

Stay tuned for my ever growing list of pet peeves in the next blog!